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How’s your relationship going? Is it lacking closeness and intimacy? Are you looking for ways to spice up your relationship? If so, don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
You see, when you first start out in a relationship, it’s pure lust. Your body begins experiencing certain chemical changes as your serotonin and dopamine levels rise. I think your adrenaline does too. Think of how a drug user feels after they take their hit.
Most likely, euphoric, fuzzy, warm, peaceful, content, etc. You get the picture.
Well, when you first meet someone and you’re going through this lust stage and your body is experiencing all these changes, your brain is resembling the brain of a drug user. Except for, instead of the real thing, you’re experiencing a “natural high.”
You’re excited, full of bliss, you don’t need to sleep and all you can do is think of this new person you could instantly fall in love with.
Fast forward 5 to 10 years.
Your now noticing all their flaws and bad habits. The initial bliss of “newness” isn’t there anymore. You’re no longer in your “honeymoon” stage. Now, there’s comfort, familiarity and routine. But, this doesn’t mean your relationship needs to go stale.
While all couples will go through times when they’re not feeling sexual or all “gushy” with one another, they’re only dry spells that can be changed. These dry spells are pretty normal, but if you don’t do something about them, it can cause a lot of misunderstanding and stress in your relationship.
So, how do you get past this dry spell and spice up your relationship? Here are 8 tips to do just that.
1. Bring the Intimacy Back into the Bedroom
Sure, you can sit there and SAY you want intimacy with your partner, but actually experiencing it is another thing. Intimacy, while yes does include sex, isn’t just sex. You can show intimacy in many other ways. You can:
- Hold hands
- Give a massage
- Give hugs
- Curl up on the couch to a good movie
- Snuggle in bed
This intimate engagement reinforces your feelings for one another.
If you have to, turn the television off and just be in each other’s company. And, yes, if the mood strikes, by all means, jump on each other and indulge. Practicing these intimate moments regularly will help keep the passion in the relationship so it doesn’t get boring.
2. Let Them Know What You Desire
A lot of the times, and this was a BIG ONE in my relationship, is neither one of you knows what the other wants. And this doesn’t just mean sexually either, but we’ll go ahead and use that as an example here. If you feel as though your bedroom activity is lacking, chances are your partner does too. Communication is your best friend in this situation.
Tell your guy what you want. If there’s something you’ve been wanting to try in the bedroom, let him know. Ask him what he wants. While some things may be off the table, typically you’re not doing certain things in bed because you didn’t ask for them or didn’t know your partner wanted to do them.
Let’s start you off simple here. Try sexy texting. It’s actually great foreplay. You don’t want to be overly graphic with your texts, but slightly naughty will work. I’m sure your partner will love it. Be discreet about it, but send them a flirty text at work or if you’re both home, send him a text invite into the bedroom. Let him know in the text what you want him to do to you or what you want to do to him.
3. Be Independent
If you’re the clingy, just gotta be near him all the time kinda gal, quit it. That’s not sexy at all. Get out there and make some of your own plans. Go out with some friends or just a day of shopping. Put a little space between the two of you.
Sometimes, all it takes is a few hours away from each other and you miss one another. Hey, I have an idea, while you’re out, why not send him a flirty text letting him know you’re thinking of him and can’t wait to get home and ….
My point is, putting that space between each other and being a little independent makes you more attractive. I’m not saying to go out all night and come home at 4 in the morning. That will only cause problems. I’m saying, just go out every once in a while and do something that doesn’t involve him. Get a hobby or join a club or something.
4. Stroke His…Ego
The best way to get your guy’s attention is to tell him how hot he is. Pay him a compliment. If his butt looks good in those jeans, let him know. Maybe even grab a cheek. 😉
Just let them know you’re still into them and you still want them. Nothing’s hotter than feeling wanted. Don’t be shy with your words either. Add some flirtation in your compliments.
5. Try Something Different in Bed
A great way to spice up your relationship is by trying something totally different when you’re in bed. Perhaps you saw a new position you wanted to try. Or, maybe you’ve been dying to try that new sex toy. Maybe you’d like to watch an erotic movie together.
Also, up your sex game. If you’ve only been having sex once a week, try at least twice or three times a week. The more sex you can have with your partner, the more closer and intimate you get.
6. Look Good All The Time
Well, maybe you can’t look like Barbie when you first wake up in the morning. But, you should at least make an effort to dress nice (sexy even), put on a little makeup and let your hair down (or style it). While a t-shirt and sweats are okay to lounge around the home in comfort, they shouldn’t be your everyday wardrobe.
Sure, I understand it can be hard to keep up your appearance when you have twenty kids running around the house and you’re running ragged between taking care of them and taking care of the home. All I’m saying is, a shower and a nice outfit will go a long way.
Not only will your guy appreciate you looking good for them, but “looking good for them” may even spark up something. 😉
7. Carve Out Some Alone Time
While scheduling a date night once a week can go a long way in a relationship, there are other ways of carving out quality time with each other. Even if you just snuggle next to the fireplace with a glass of wine.
The important thing here is you don’t let being tired, being busy or just not being in the mood get in your way of making that extra time to spend with one another. Even if you just went out and took a short walk together, that little bit of alone time can help.
8. Read Erotica
Here’s my favorite part of “spicing things up”. Nothing spices up a relationship better than reading a naughty book. Don’t laugh — try it. I guarantee after you read a naughty book, you’ll go nuts waiting for your man to come home from work.
Just think of what “50 Shades of Grey” did for many women. You easily find erotica reading online. Here’s something I came across.
When you’re both aware your relationship needs some spicing up and you’re willing to try different things to enhance the intimacy, you’ll begin noticing an exciting thing happening — you’ll be reaching out for each other more regularly and you might even gain back some of that old lust.
Take things slowly though. Talk with one another and don’t try to rush the process. This is a new development in your relationship that needs nurturing, so take your time and enjoy it.
Wanna really spice up your relationship? Why not play some sexy games in bed! Have fun with this game.
Here’s a book that show’s you how to have really great sex in a long-term relationship. Give it a read. Because, you know you gotta keep it spicy or you risk your relationship going stale.