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Let me guess, you have a person in your life that completes you, right? I mean, you’re so comfortable with them you can’t imagine being happy without them. In fact, you’ve even convinced yourself that THEY are the sole reason for any happiness you’re feeling. Feeling this way is completely understandable and trust me, I’ve put my boyfriend up on a pedestal plenty of times (still sometimes do). But, this is a huge mistake. You can’t let a person (no matter how much you love them) define your happiness. You can be happy with or without him girls.
How to Be Happy With or Without your Partner
A good start is realizing your happiness comes from inside you and you are in control of it. So, what happens if the person you’re in a relationship with is making you unhappy? Again, whether you’re happy or not, it all comes from within. If your partner is making you unhappy for any reason, at that moment you will feel unhappy yourself. However, while this can shake your “core happiness”, it can’t eliminate it.
Probably one of the most challenging areas in our lives is our relationships. This is because they dig deep into the core of your emotional well-being. If you’re in a relationship that seems to be draining you or depleting your happiness reservoir, it may be time to let go.
Letting go of someone you love is incredibly difficult. After all, you’ve shared a lot of time together and maybe have given up a lot for them. They’ve become a habit so to speak. You have to figure out if they’re a good habit or a bad habit. Bad habits don’t serve you.
So, are you going to be happy with or without him? Well, first you need to decide if he’s worth keeping around. Here’s a good post on how you can tell if he truly loves you. Because if he doesn’t, it may simply be a waste of time keeping him around.
If your partner truly values you, they don’t put you down; they uplift you. They respect you and make you a priority in life. They make you happy. If your lover invalidates you as a person or disrespects you, ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who has no regard for you. If they don’t cherish you and maybe put YOU on the pedestal now and then, it may be time to let them go and find happiness without them.
You’ll know if you’re their priority and they cherish you. They’ll go out of their way to show you. You won’t have to demand their time and fitting you into their life won’t take a lot of effort — it will happen naturally.
And, don’t kid yourself into thinking you can change them — you can’t — they have to want to change. So, work on yourself and your own happiness with or without him.
Some good questions you may want to ask yourself are:
- Who am I?
- What are my goals?
- What interests me?
- What am I passionate about (other than him)?
- What’s my ideal future look like?
- How can I start making myself happy right now?
Chances are, at first it may be difficult for you to answer these questions because you’re so blinded by your partner and have centered your whole existence around them. I challenge you to read and completely absorb this next sentence:
The only person you can’t live without or be happy without is YOU. So, start putting yourself up on your own pedestal and committing to your own happiness with or without someone.
Clues your Relationship May Be in Trouble
Now, everyone is different and these “clues” don’t necessarily mean you need to ditch your man. But, they can give you an idea of someone who’s not completely into the relationship.
1. He keeps you from your friends. He gets mad if you want to hang with your girlfriends without him. He gives you ultimatums — your friends or him.
2. He doesn’t post pictures of you (or the both of you) on his social network sites. His “relationship status” is set at single or it’s complicated.
3. You go all day and night without hearing from him. If you don’t hear from him during the day because he works, that’s understandable. However, if you don’t hear from him until the following day and this gets to be a pattern, it may spell relationship trouble.
4. He never wants to do anything with you but chill at home and watch TV. He never takes you out anywhere. Your relationship seems to evolve around television and sex. Before you go dumping for this one, talk about it with him. If he still refuses to go out in public with you, it could be a clue he’s hiding you for some reason. Just saying.
Reasons why you Can Be Happy Without Him
Here are some reasons why happiness through self-love is better than sticking with someone who’s holding you back.
1. You Can Make your Own Decisions
You no longer have to “ask permission” or feel obligated to do or not do something. You now have the freedom to make your own decisions no matter how small without any criticism or apprehension — or arguing. Yay!
2. You Get your Friends Back
No matter who you’re with, chances are you’ve put your friends on the sideline.
3. You Get to Experiment
You now can test the waters a little to see what you’re really looking for. Allow yourself to go on dates and explore different guys. You may realize you are attracted to a whole different personality than the guy you’ve been with for so long. This is a good opportunity to have fun and be picky about what you want in a guy and what makes you happy.
4. You Could Find a Guy Who’s a Better Fit
You never know what the higher power has in store for you. Perhaps you need to break off your present relationship because down the road there’s someone far better suited for and more aligned with your dreams and goals.
5. You’re Less Stressed
Being with someone who doesn’t make you happy and stresses you out can really take a toll on you. You’re always worrying about what he’s up to, if he’s interested in another person or what you’ll do next that will make him mad at you. This isn’t how a relationship should be. While you love him and think you can’t be happy without him, once he’s out of the picture, you just may start feeling some relief and some of that stress is lifted off you.
6. You Can Begin Focusing on Yourself
Hey, you’re important. Anyone tell you that? Well, you are and its time you give yourself some time to focus on you. You no longer have this negative person in your life where you have to worry about what’s he’s doing all the time. Now, you can just focus on yourself and your happiness.
I don’t want to make this post all about doom and gloom so I’ll include some reasons why you can be happy with him.
Signs the Two of You are Meant to Be
Every relationship will have some doubts. You can’t ALWAYS be in a state of happiness. That would be inhuman. You are going to have problems arise unexpectedly in your relationship that you can’t control. And again, check out my post how you can tell if he truly loves you.
But, those who truly belong together stick together through thick or thin. No dispute will break you apart and diminish the love you have for each other. Your relationship is a rock. So, here are some signs you may want to keep your lover around.
1. You’re Constantly Reminded of Each Other
There will be times when you’ll have to be apart from one another (unless you’re superglued to each other)…hey, I’ve seen that happen before. 😉
But, during these times when you’re apart, many activities you perform reminds you of him (or him of you). For instance, things that may remind you of one another include:
- Eating out at a restaurant
- Watching a certain movie
- Walking in your favorite park
- Going to the beach
- Going to a certain club
These activities make you long for each other’s kisses and hugs.
2. You’re Blissful Around Each Other
When out on a date, when you hold hands, you feel a warm, tingly feeling. You know that feeling — you felt it when you first started dating each other. If you still get that fuzzy feeling that tickles your tummy when the two of you touch, you got it good. When apart, you can’t wait to be back in each other’s arms.
3. You Can Be You Around Them
When with your lover, you don’t have to pretend you’re someone else or hide who you are. You can be the same person when you’re around them as you are when you’re by yourself or with your friends. Act corny, humorous, crazy (in a good way), quiet, peaceful, etc. You get the picture. You can just be you in any emotion you’re feeling at any given moment and not feel self-conscious about it.
4. You Love and Accept One Another’s Imperfections
Nobody’s perfect — no, not even that guy you have up on that pedestal. But, despite any imperfections each one of you has, you still love and accept each other, you’ve got a pretty good relationship there and chances are you can be happy with each other.
5. You Can Count on Them
To be human is to not want others to see you in a vulnerable state such as after rejection or failure. If you’re both always there for each other during any type of hurdle or uncomfortable experience and don’t judge each other, that’s a good quality in a relationship. You should be able to talk with your partner whether you’re scared, embarrassed or ashamed (or happy) and feel confident they’re not judging you and will remain by your side.
6. You’re Completely and Incredibly Attracted to Each Other
A healthy and happy relationship is a passionate and blissful relationship. When you still got that undeniable physical chemistry with one another you can bet you’ve struck gold in the relationship department. Staying passionate with one another is often rare after a few years into the relationship. Treasure this if you got it.
7. You Want to Be a Better Person Because of Him
You’re both always working on yourselves and trying to improve who you are, not out of criticism or feeling like your relationship is threatened, but because you just want to be a better person for them and yourself.
Hey, if you have a good thing going and your partner truly makes you happy, nourish that and don’t ever let go. But, if you know it’s time to give them up, this is the time to gather up courage and love yourself unconditionally. You’re going to need a lot of self-love in the first month of a breakup. After that, you’ll slowly begin finding happiness again and being happy without him.
If you want to find out who you are without him, check out this book.
Other posts you may be interested in:
You can also do something good for yourself, like start your own blog that makes you money. Blogs are easy to maintain and fun. Plus you get paid too. win-win
If interested, check out my post: How to Set Up a Money Making Blog
But, I am rooting for the two of you experiencing endless love and lasting forever — true bliss! It’s amazing. 🙂
Hey, if you know of any steps to being happy after a break-up, please comment below. If you found this post helpful, please do share. 🙂