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Couples fight. Yep, that’s common knowledge. But, if the two of you seem to be making a habit out of nitpicking trivial things that end up in a screaming match, it’s time to learn how to stop fighting.
Now, this isn’t t say arguing every now and then won’t happen and it should. I’ve even heard its healthy. How else are you going to be able to get your point across when your boyfriend or hubby is being stubborn, right? I mean, you’re not always going to be on the same page.
But, there’s productive fighting and then there’s downright just being nasty to each other. We don’t want that. You also don’t want to keep dwelling on previous problems. That’s unproductive and does absolutely nothing for your relationship.
However, when you do see yourself getting to the point where you think your little disagreement is starting to escalate into a full-blown argument, that’s the time when you’ll want to get yourself under control and keep your boxing gloves stored away.
So, how do you stop fighting with your boyfriend? Here are 10 tips to help you out.
1. Stop throwing verbal bombs. Don’t blame, criticize or put down your man. Don’t interrupt him when he’s talking. Don’t throw a temper tantrum or personally attack him.
2. Don’t convey strong emotions. A great way to avoid a fight is to not let your emotions get out of control. Even if your man is angry and upset, doesn’t mean you have to be too. While you’ll likely have a hard time not responding in some way, being impartial is key here. Also, don’t take your boyfriend’s emotions to heart. They’re only temporary.
3. Try and understand his point of view. While this can also be hard to do, its a great way to stop an argument in its tracks. Just because you understand, doesn’t mean you agree with him or are giving in.
4. Think before you react. How many times have you said something or did something during a fight with your boyfriend that you later regretted and wished you could take it back? For me, it was countless times. Take the time to think before you react to the situation. By giving yourself a little time to think about how you’re going to respond, you won’t have to kick yourself in the behind later.
5. Listen and take turns talking. A lot of arguments end up in screaming matches because each one of you is trying to be heard. You start off by talking over one another and quickly begin screaming at each other. When you’re doing this, you’re not making the effort to actually listen to your partner. And, that’s unproductive fighting. Instead, play a little give and take. Allow your boyfriend to speak and genuinely listen to him. Then ask him to do the same.
6. Get control of your emotions first. If you find yourself feeling getting heated up over a disagreement, immediately excuse yourself from the situation to get control of yourself and calm down. Let your man know that you want to avoid a big fight with him, therefore, you would like to take five minutes to calm down and will come back to address the problem then. I like to lock myself in the bedroom for a few minutes and crank some music through my headphones.
7. Sleep on it. You’ve probably heard countless times to not go to bed angry and that you should resolve your problems before going to sleep. While one of you may want to sleep on the couch, going to bed angry will give you time to calm down, collect your thoughts and re-enter the disagreement tomorrow when the problem will likely feel “less significant” than it does now.
8. Don’t assume your man can read your mind. If something is bothering you or you want something, let your man know. They can’t read your mind and just because they love, doesn’t mean they’ll always know your wants and needs. Communication is very important in any relationship and one of the biggest ways on how to stop arguing is by communicating.
9. Don’t try to be the “winner”. There’s no win or lose in an argument or fight. You don’t HAVE to be right and your boyfriend doesn’t have to be wrong either. If during a disagreement you find you’re becoming competitive, go back to step five. It’s not important who wins the argument. What’s important is that your both taking turns communicating and are listening, acknowledging and understanding one another. Work together to come up with a solution.
10. Don’t put negative ideas in your head. If your boyfriend hasn’t come home yet and its past dinnertime, don’t assume he’s up to something. Just because he goes to bed without the two of you knocking boots, doesn’t mean he’s not into you anymore. He’s probably just tired from a long day at work.
Oh and bonus points to you if you:
Don’t keep sex from him. This is one of the oldest tricks in the books to get what you want. But, it can really backfire and make the problem worse. Plus, it’s not healthy for your relationship. If you want to use sex as a weapon, go have some the next time an argument starts brewing. I know I’ve stopped many an argument by dangling my goodies as a pleasant alternative. 😉
If you feel like your man is pulling away from you, maybe you need a little help. Here’s a video that tells you why men pull away. Try it out and let me know if it helped your relationship.