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When you find “the one”, your perfect partner, you want your relationship to last forever, right? Sure you do. But, are you in love? And if so, the next question is, how to make a relationship last? There are so many couples who are either married or just together who end their relationships because they think the love is gone.
They argue all the time, give silent treatments or just plain don’t show each other any attention anymore. If this is happening in your relationship, I’m sure you’re frustrated, sad and simply not happy. Maybe this guy isn’t for you. Perhaps doubt, worrying and problems are constantly getting in the way and replacing what was once a fulfilling, exciting and loving relationship.
I’m here to tell you…”don’t give up hope.” Want to know why? Because there are 5 stages of love and EVERY couple has the opportunity to make a relationship last and reach stage 5 (everlasting love). But, the reason why many couples end up breaking up is NOT because they don’t love each other, but rather because they can’t seem to get past stage 3.
Don’t worry, I’ll explain the stages in a little bit.
How to Make a Relationship Last
So, let’s dive into – how to make love last.
Most people don’t realize that stage 3 doesn’t have to be the end, in fact, it’s really just the “test” to see if you have what it takes to achieve a genuine, loving and lasting relationship.
Stage 3 is actually pretty important as it gets you ready for the “true love” part of your relationship. Like I said, it’s kind of like a test. It sees what your relationship is made of. It hands you obstacles and setbacks to see if your love is strong enough to push through — and guess what? If you do push through, stage 5 is just around the corner (imagine gray hair, rocking chairs and holding hands…you know…growing old together). 😉
But first, what really is “passion” or “falling in love?”
It’s really all about your brain chemicals. And, these chemicals are nature’s potent mix set up to help you procreate, have children and care for them until they grow up. While there’s a lot of stigma about your heart and it’s involvement with love, it really doesn’t have anything to do with love. It’s your brain where “love” occurs.
You have monoamines which are brain chemicals that create the much desired “rush” you feel when you’re with your partner or even when you’re simply thinking about them. But, sadly, this intense rush doesn’t last very long and typically goes away after a year or two, so enjoy it while you can.
However, even when you do lose this “rush” of intense feelings of desire and passion, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. You can still have everlasting love.
So, let’s get into the five stages of love.
1. Stage One — The Passionate Stage
This stage of love is where you first meet your partner and start having feelings for each other. When you see them, your heart flutters and you are most likely experiencing butterflies in your stomach. Your partner takes up so much of your headspace and they consume your every thought. Your body is on fire and your hormones are going crazy. But, this isn’t really “love” that you’re feeling — it’s more likely “infatuation.” You’re simply experiencing passionate and intense feelings for your partner.
This is the stage of love where all the excitement, flirting and passion take place. You tend to overlook any negative traits or imperfections of the other person. They seem to have no weaknesses and they seem just plain perfect. What’s really going on here is your hormones such as serotonin, dopamine, estrogen, testosterone and oxytocin at work.
Most people favor this stage because it just feels so damn good. There’s no arguing or bickering. Your partner can do no wrong. Yeah, this is where you want to stay forever. Right?
Well, sorry, this stage of love won’t last forever. Actually, you’ll be lucky if you get more than a year or two of it. But, don’t worry, this isn’t really a bad thing.
2. Stage Two — Becoming a Serious Couple
Okay, let’s take a look at number two of the stages of love. In this stage, you’re past the infatuation, but your love is growing deeper. You’re now a committed couple. The romance isn’t dead, but has changed. In this stage, you may have even got married and/or had children.
Here is where you learn what your partner likes, their interests and what makes them tick and you begin expanding your own life to develop “the two of us” life.
You’re now experiencing less of being head-over-heels for your partner, but rather you’re more bonded with them. You may feel all warm and toasty inside — comfortable. You may not be having the wild sex you were before, but it’s still very satisfying. You probably feel cared for, safe, appreciated and even cherished. This is the stage, however, that blindsides you. You think it’s going to last forever. But, then, here comes the dreaded stage three of the stages of love.
3. Stage Three — Disillusionment
Alright, don’t become too disheartened. We all go through this stage and this is the stage that will test your relationship to see if you really have what it takes to last. It’s at this stage that your brain stops creating those juicy love chemicals and you begin thinking that something is wrong with the relationship and maybe the two of you aren’t so compatible after all.
They call this the “love hangover.”
It’s the stage where things start feeling off or even bad. It can come on gradually or it can come on suddenly like you just flipped a switch and bam — everything’s wrong with your relationship. You feel less cared for and loved, maybe even trapped and you just want out.
Sadly, stage three is where many relationships end.
Things have gone all routine. You wonder why there is no more kisses, hugs, cuddles and romantic nights. You may even feel like you’re being taken for granted.
Honestly, this is a very painful time because most people have believed the illusion that passionate love lasts forever and begin feeling disappointed when it fades and things start getting boring.
Instead of seeing just the positive traits in your partner like in stage one, you now see the negative traits and all your partner’s flaws — and they see yours.
It’s during this stage that you start trying to get your partner to go back to the person they were when you first met. You may even punish them in some way by pulling away from them and building that “wall.” Or, you may pursue them even more only to feel like you’re being deserted emotionally.
Most couples have a hard time communicating with one another in this stage. Some won’t even talk with other people about their relationship issues. This can make it harder for them to understand that this stage is not just normal, but that what every relationship goes through.
Don’t give up just yet. Seriously, if you can make it past this stage, you can make it to where many women only dream about it — “growing old together.”
When you get to stage three, you now have a choice to make. You can:
- End your relationship: By doing this, however, you’re actually establishing a pattern for yourself. You need to remember that all relationships will go through this stage and by quitting on “this” relationship and not trying to stick it out and make it work, you’ll find you’ll be back to stage three again, but only with a different partner.
- Settle for what is: A lot of couples choose this option because they either feel that being in a mediocre relationship is much better than having to start over again or they don’t believe in divorce. They assume that this is simply all they’re going to get out of this (or another) relationship and don’t put any effort into changing it. They are simply co-existing in the relationship.
- Work through it: Those determined to make their love last and won’t settle for mediocre will push their way through stage three, realizing it’s just a disillusionment stage. They’ll do what needs to be done to reconnect with their partner and deepen their love. They realize that love is really a choice, but you need to work at it.
4. Stage Four — Stabilize and Communicate
If you make the choice to work through stage three of love, you’ll find a much deeper and satisfying love. It’s in this stage you begin accepting each other’s imperfections, flaws and failures and love each other regardless. But, for you to get to this stage, you’ll need to learn how to forgive and let things go.
- Find a reliable way of talking kindly to each other about emotionally charged subjects.
- Restore broken trust and heal past hurt.
- Learn to compromise and share power (you’ll also realize you can’t get what you want by forcing someone).
- Give up “harmony fantasies” without struggling.
- Appreciate and accept one another’s differences.
If you’re able to get through stage three’s unstable waters, you’ll find stage four will provide you with peace and enjoyment. Typically, most couples will spend around a couple of years in stage four before they progress to the final stage of love. During this stage, many make the effort to even spice up their love life so they can keep the spark alive. It’s easier to express your desires and needs during this stage and face problems head-on and work through them.
5. Stage Five — Commitment
Yay! You made it. Not many couples make it to this stage, even those who’re married. During stage five you’re truly connected and now work as a team. You’ve both accepted each other’s imperfections and weaknesses along with each other’s merits and strengths. You’ve made the choice to work as a team to face all difficulties, work on maintaining a healthy, thriving relationship and stay together forever.
It’s a stage of sustainable and mature love that can last forever. During this stage you:
- Have made the choice to stay with your partner no matter what their flaws are.
- No longer crave the romance stage since you realize stage one only happens in “new” relationships and you aren’t looking for a new relationship.
- Know where you’re going with your partner and have a vision for your future.
You don’t “need” your partner, but rather choose to be with them.
Again, congratulations if you’ve reached stage five, not many do. They either stick with mediocre and don’t work on making their relationship any better or they quit and end their relationship. They don’t realize that if they push past stage three they can stay together forever and be genuinely happy.
By knowing the five stages of love, you can now understand how a true relationship works. You don’t have to get discouraged if the romance fades, because you know that a deeper love is just around the corner if you stick it out. But, if you want to know how to make a relationship last, you need to remember, to push through all the stages and reach stage five, it’s going to take a lot of work and communication, but it will be totally worth it in the end because you’ll finally be with “the one you’ll grow old with.” So, are you in love? I don’t know, but if you work through the five stages, you’ll know. 🙂
Check Out The Relationship Rewrite Method
If you’re in stage three and are struggling with your relationship now, I recommend you check out “The Relationship Rewrite Method.”
If your partner is becoming cold and acting distant, or you feel like you’re about to face an unexpected or sudden breakup, The Relationship Rewrite Method can help. Men’s minds are programmed to easily wander to other women, therefore, it’s important you learn how to make it so your man only thinks about you.
This guide teaches you how to make him addicted to you. It helps you learn exactly what went wrong and why your man is now being distant and cold. It then teaches you how to win his love back and revitalize your relationship.
This system is backed by science and isn’t some theoretical method that was made up. It works because it shows you how to stimulate his dopamine production which is a “feel good” chemical in the brain.
The system works no matter how long you’ve been in your relationship as well. It’s a must-have if you are at stage 3 and feel like your relationship is about to end. It turns your relationship around and makes your man crave you. Grab it here and let me know what you think.